5 Lessons from 1 Year in Lingerie

5. I don't like to be sold to and neither do most people. 
I never worked in retail. I still have fresh memories of stores with either dismissive staff or overreaching staff. I avoid at all costs answering the phone while someone is in store. I'm not going to make you wait through my "Oh my God, no he didn't" moments catching up with a friend before ringing up your purchase. Basic etiquette.  However, on the flip, when I shop I am willing to say, "Hey, I am looking for a 32E push-up that is cute and comfortable." or "I want pretty hipster panties that don't say pink or bald or that crap across my bush," and inevitably, sales people will bring the opposite or tell me I don't know my size or that the neon princess-themed bra is SO hot right now. Part of my "sales strategy" is assuming people are intelligent and have an idea of what they want. And if they don't, I may measure or pull several style options, and tell them to buy what feels right (with the caveat that getting out of your comfort zone can add a little excitement).

Model: Kendal. Photo: Rob Bennett.

4. A lot of people are mad at retailers who don't care about women's sizes or wants.
 My most popular sizes are 32DD, 34DD, and 36DD. I keep hearing women tell me they aren't finding these sizes. What kind of company doesn't pay attention to what their customers want? One with an ego that thinks it can decide what you should want or how you should look.

Okay, I don't do a lot of nude t-shirt bras, but that's because I am going to point you to the several local stores or websites that do. My niche was beautiful, comfortable, reasonably priced bras in a range of sizes. I knew where to get basics but struggled to find pretty things that spanned a range of sizes (and weren't $100+ bras), so that's what I try to create. When I place orders, I look over my notes of what people ask for and what styles and sizes sell the best. If I don't have it, I order it or tell you where to find it. It's not rocket science; it's caring about the people who are interested in your business.

3. Men buying lingerie care more than you may think. 
I adore the men who come into our shop. Some of them are nervous, but more so, they gush about how much they love their wife. We have a few more risque items, but men rarely buy them. The men look at the straps and the number of hooks on the back. They ask about support. Many have done research before coming in. It really is adorable. And the most common quote from men is, "I just want her to feel as beautiful as I see her."

Kendal and Alexa: Whether a F or an A, they rock it. Photo: Rob Bennett.

2. No one comes without baggage.
 I don't know of one woman who doesn't struggle with body confidence. Even the most confident will say I just wish I didn't hate my butt/boobs/stomach/thighs. I've heard this from a 110 lb with perfect fake breasts and killer arms and every other woman. You may think you will finally be happy when you lose the last 15 lbs, but two months down the road, you will probably look at pictures and think, damn, if only I knew how hot I was then.

I feel it. Pretty much everyone feels it. Unfortunately, I feel "love yourself" and "love your body" somewhat patronizing. All I can think is yeah, that'd be great, but that's a what without a how... My best answer is:

1. Self-respect trumps self-esteem. 
Self-esteem would be wonderful, but it's elusive and has little shelf-life. I have self-esteem some days, but inevitably, pre-period bloating or dress shopping in Italian sizes puts it on shaky ground. The best key to body confidence I've found is self-respect. I like to look back on the last few years and remember all I've accomplished. When I see my stretch marks, it's harder to condemn, upon reflection that I built a fucking person. Excuse my language, but if I ever feel like slamming my post-baby body, just that perspective of "I make people, what the hell have you done" helps. It's respecting all I have accomplished. If I feel like losing 10 lbs, that's fine, but my body shame has dissipated since I started appreciating how much I have and can accomplish. I am intelligent, witty and caring, and it's because I've done things to make myself believe it, that I respect myself.

If you don't make your entire self worth hang on having a 24" waist, you can't lose your self when you lose your skinny jeans.


Thank you for an incredible first year,

Merry McGinnis Ireland
Owner of The Ruff Life Lingerie & Vintage

Matters of Style - Social Psychology & the Selfie

Friendships and relationships are often drawn from your surrounding circle. We assume the friend of a friend to have certain common qualities or interests. Same applies to a regular at a favorite bar or volunteer center. Those within the outpouring of common links will be the basis of what we consider our community.  As our circle becomes increasingly technology based through social media, the dynamic of new friendships and relationship is altered. Whether in Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, the addition of new community to our circle is now based on small clips of how we present ourselves. The basis in human response to visual stimuli, however, still operates on the same principles as our self, an homage the past experiences, current situations, and hopes for the future. 

Obligatory Work-Out Clothes Selfie. Makes up for way too many photos in bars, also, if I cast myself as a fit person, aren't I more likely to live up to that?

In the 1930s, Koffka, Kohler and Wertheimer, collectively known as the Gestalt psychologists, sought to understand links between visual stimuli and perception. One theory from their experiments was the rather obvious sounding idea that similar stimuli are grouped together. This theory was later expanded upon by Richard Gregory by suggesting that the brain combines visual stimuli with prior knowledge to develop a perceptual hypothesis. Example: If you have always had good experiences with women wearing Louboutin heels and notice a woman wearing Louboutin heels, you will create a perceptual hypothesis based on prior experiences that you will have a good experience with this woman. 

Super artsy, vintage dress apparently screams please talk to me about your collection of aura-enhancing crystals and how science is a conspiracy, but I was going for free-spirited and creative.

As the influence of social media on the creation of our community grows, the manner in which we communicate is altered. Instead of extensive face-to-face conversation, more emphasis must be placed on indirect communication through visual stimuli. Assign meaning, making inferences and communicating through dress and appearance. 

Example: That tool in the center is my husband. If I met him in this setting, I would think he is a skeesy prick. Luckily, I met him in person a long time ago, and now he can get away with dressing a mix of rock star and 70s pimp sans the dirtbag reputation...Well, at least with me.

Depending on your history, experiences and values, the response to a Facebook avatars will vary. Without prior communication or knowledge of the individual, I am far more likely to add a young woman with tattoos on Facebook than to add a picture of a man golfing in a Lacoste t-shirt. The assumption is based on my perception of myself, seeking those who have visual cues I relate to, and my prior history, having a handful of awkward silences at country clubs.  

The point being fashion is not always an exercise in vanity. In our store, I enjoy reading about the history of fashion and the ways in which the styles reflect the current events and social values of the era. The curve-enhancing wiggle dress accentuate breasts and hip, a marker of the post-war return to family values. The 1980s shoulder pads mimic a masculine figure as women seek to find balance between their gender and positions of authority in work. 

When it comes down to it, my real style is my history, my mood, who I relate to and who I hope to be. I'm convinced blazers make believe I'm smart, and it's a little homage to becoming a lawyer. Deconstructed Motorhead shirt from 9th grade, when I made most of my clothes and thought I could start an Anarchist commune. Cut off Seven jeans, because I wasted to much cash on those and have done lunges like a boss for years. My beat down Miu Miu motorcycle boots, because I love  high fashion attempts to mimic subcultures, especially those opposed to traditional designer trends.

Furthermore, style is more than social factors alone. While we may model our look on those we admire or whose social groups we wish to feel connected to, we still balance this with the pursuit of our own individuality. A unique style is a balance of conflicting factors, our present self with that which we hope to be or portray, our self-expression with desire to find belonging. 

Some Badass Photos of Our Vintage Clothing

 Photographer Josh Welch took some amazing shots of Tabb Model Cynda McElvana. Outfits from our store (and available online in a few weeks). Sunglasses from Black Optical. Hair and makeup by Sharon Howe Tabb. More proof, if you needed it, that Oklahoma City is full of talented people doing cool shit.

                                      

 

 

One Year of Lingerie & Vintage - Finding our Mission

We are coming up on our first anniversary and have been reflecting a lot on our original concept, to start a confidence-enhancing feminist for women. Honestly, we didn't know if this was a market that existed. We interviewed women and found most didn't feel excited about bra shopping or proud of their underwear. When it came to pleasure products, most women thought sex shops seemed creepy or trashy but were interested in a sophisticated and intelligent introduction to basic toys. The vintage collection just came about on accident, because I always shopped for vintage and had amassed a collection.

So now, at a year, is that still the vision for The Ruff Life?

Short answer, yes, but in a more focused way. We want to be a cheerleader for awesome ladies. This year, we are going to make a point of working even harder, of bending over backwards, to make people excited about their body.

I'm hoping to have many more photo shoots and show off the wonderful Oklahoma ladies. Through our Instagram, we occasionally ask girls willing to model to e-mail us and meet up. The response was unexpected. We actually have had to schedule several dates for shoots, because as it turns out, there are a lot of women of all sizes willing to pose in lingerie. 38Gs to 32As. XS to XXL. Some tattooed, some bald, some with scars. Just phenomenal.

Yeah, we are still just a shop, but 'just going to work' isn't passionate enough to get anyone through the hard times and Oklahoma allergy season. Most of the women on staff never had many girl friends but were attracted by the notion of helping other women, instead of tearing each other down all the time.

  

In pursuit of this, please tell us how we can be better and what you want to see more of/less of. 

Also, join us in store April 4th 6 pm - 8 pm to celebrate with champagne and snacks. Thank you for a great first year!

XOXO,

The Ruff Life

Breast Augmentation - Open Talk on Boob Jobs

Several women have asked me questions about my breast implants and often seem surprised by my response. The ability to reconcile my body image with my intellect and spirituality was not an entirely natural process but involved reflection on apparent dichotomies.

Nature created me with uneven breasts. That size difference bothered me but was also a natural occurence unique to myself. However, the real reason for my surgery have more to do with how I self-identify. I identify with curvaceous women and wanted to reflect that.

When I decided to get surgery, I neither hated myself nor my breasts. My then boyfriend urged me against undergoing surgery. The decision was one I made because I wanted it.

As I had had many piercings, tattoos, and overall style changes, altering my appearance has never had connotations of poor self-esteem but has been a by-product of post-modern evolution.

Before

After (and 1.5 months pregnant)

I found a female surgeon who understood what I was interested in, a fuller, more feminine form, adding to my natural form without distracting from it. Though silicone had been FDA-approved, I preferred saline, because, frankly, I want to know when they pop ("they are not lifetime devices"). Silicone looks and feels more natural, but when they rupture, it is a slow process. I am comfortable with saline rupturing in my body.

November 2008, I underwent surgery.  Hours later, I was released, and my mother drove me home. Though I took pain medication, the pain was more akin to having a heavy and sore chest. After several days, I was up and back to normal except could not do any heavy lifting or running. I had exercises to help the implants "drop." By exercises, I mean massaging my breasts downward.

I think there are many bad reasons for plastic surgery, seeking perfection or feel not good enough especially. In my experience, my outward appearance is comfortable when it reflects who I am inside.

I am still able to breastfeed, box, run 5Ks, play sports, twirl pasties, read long books and be a feminist. Implants did not precluded any options or opened any doors.

I had been warned of all the possible side effects but experienced none. The effects I encountered were different...
1. My armpits moved slightly.
2. My breasts are circular and full, which should be good but is slightly reminiscent of anime cartoon eyes.
3. When I sprint, I can feel them move. I kind of enjoy the sensation, but it is a little unsettling to think about.
4. If you do a lot of naked back bends, you may see the outline of the implant separate from the outline of your natural breasts.  

None of these things particularly bother me. I got a boob job, not seeking perfection or to fill a void. I just wanted the curvature I felt was already a part of who I am.

 I think there are thousands of possible versions of who I am. Often, I feel like a different version of myself daily. Changes in my body are just a part of my history, and never had or will be who I am. 

Bra Fitting - More than just a number

I recommend getting a bra-fitting once a year (especially if you have had dramatic weight loss or a child), but how is it done? Well, that's easy enough to Google. Many people have seen the soft tape measure and know a measurement is taken under the bust and at the fullest bust point. I like to point out that this measurement provides a good starting point.

 I still measure at the store, or you can at home. Just get a tape measure (the soft kind, not metal, you're not building a shed here). If measuring at home, you will be most accurate in front of mirror, as all the measurements need to be taken with the tape parallel to the ground. Wrap it around the underbust. Round the number to the nearest whole inch. I generally prefer to round up at the half inch point.

If the underbust measurement is 35 inches or larger, your band size will be the closest whole even number. For example, 35 inches will be 36 band. 36 inches will be 36 band. 37 inches will likely be 38 band, but 36 may feel better in some brands or styles.

If the underbust measurement is under 35 inches, then it's a bit different. I'm not sure who created this shoddy measuring system, but if your curious, this is just how it's done. 34 inches, 36 band. 31 - 33 inches, 34 band. 28 - 30 inches, 32 band. Honestly, anything smaller than this and I would aim for a 30 band. You may be smaller, but unless you want to start making your own bras, it's going to be very difficult to find smaller band sizes. The Little Bra Company is one of the few available brands I can think of with 28 bands.

 Next measurement is taken at the fullest part of your breasts. Wrap the tape around your body parallel, find the measurement, and round to the nearest whole number. Subtract the underbust measurement (not calculated band size) from this number. For example, I measure 28 inches at my underbust and 34 at my fullest bust. 34 inches - 28 inches = 6 inches. Each inch is a lettered cup. 1 inch difference would be A, 2 inches B, 3 inches C, 4 inches D, 5 inches DD, 6 inches E.

*A note about the letters: The measurement I use are the most common, going from D, DD, E, F, G, H and so on, but some companies use DDD instead of E.

My bra size would then be 32E. Cool. Fun fact. However, I rarely like the fit of this measurement. The point is measuring gives a good starting point, but you also have to consider fit and style.

Bra fittings sound so definitive and concrete. Jeez, it must be since I have to do math. Anyone outside of a nudist colony knows different brands of clothes fit differently. Same with bras and panties. European brands are often a bit more snug, however the brand Gossard I find true to size in bras but have to move down a size in panties. In Kiss Me Deadly and Elle Macpherson, I prefer a 34DD. Just try a few brands on, and see what you like.

The below mentioned orb effect.

 Additionally, different styles fit differently. I'm not shy about admitting I've had a boob job. For me, that has meant bralettes still fit but differently. I find it disconcerting to see globe-like orbs floating with no support.  Prior to implants, I had a full cup size difference between lefty and righty. Because of that I only wore bras with contoured cups and generally opted for push-up bras or added a turkey cutlet to the smaller breast. The point is don't just try different brands, try different styles, too.

Valentine's Gift Ideas: From Mild to Wild

With less than three weeks until the often-anticipated and sometimes-dreaded Valentine's Day arrives, most of us start thinking of gift ideas for a significant other, a close friend, or even ourselves (no shame in that, ladies and gentlemen...who doesn't love a good treat yoself box of chocolates, after all?). Even if we don't sell chocolates here at the Ruff Life Lingerie and Vintage, we have plenty of options for V-Day gifts whether you're looking for a sweet little something or a sexier vibe. Check these ideas out!

1. Booty Parlor "Dust Up" Kissable Body Shimmer (in Cocoa Bronze or Marshmallow Gold) $24

These little guys smell amazing. And they make your body shimmery and sexy paired with a lingerie set or your outfit for the day. Great for a significant other or a friend!

2.  Booty Parlor "Kissaholic" Aphrodisiac Plumping Lip Gloss $16

Absolutely wonderful lip glosses that taste delicious. Different shades and different flavors. Sexy AND cute option for a lover, yourself, or a friend. As irresistible as they'll make you look, you won't be able to make it through the holiday without a kiss.

3. Vintage Accessories: Hats, Shoes, Scarves

Great gift ideas for friends or family to show your love on V-Day! All reasonably priced with a uniqueness you won't find anywhere else.

4. Elle Macpherson "Cloud Swing" Bra and Thong Set, Bra: $60 Thong: $30

 

I think it's safe to say this set qualifies as both sweet and sexy. Purple and pink with lace...it really needs no introduction. 

5. Gossard VIP "Retrolution" Bra and Panty Set, Bra $54 Panty $26

 

Now we're getting into the sexier stuff. This Gossard VIP bra and panty set is incredibly sensual with its vintage pin-up feel. The undies are a flattering cut as well. Get 'em for yourself or for a lady lover... either way your Valentine's will be super sexy. 

6. LELO Pleasure Sets (40% off!) and Personal Massagers $27-$199

 We've got all the LELO you could ever dream of! It doesn't get any sexier than this. All LELO products are made with body-safe silicone, by the way... and some are even waterproof! Get the tools and you can make this Valentine's unforgettable. The possibilities are endless. ;) 

Come on in to the Ruff Life and check out our products for Valentine's! It's the perfect opportunity to support local business and show your friends or significant others that you love them (and their sexy assets!). And don't forget: every Wednesday, 10% of all proceeds go to YWCA to support victims of sexual assault and domestic abuse. 

--Ashley Davenport, Retail Assistant