Phthalates: Safe Sex Toys

What are phthalates?

Phthalates are used as a plasticizer, an additive used to increase the flexibility and/or durability of a substance.  Plasticizers make the difference between hard plastic and the plastic involved in a rubber duck, shower curtains, and many other similar soft plastics. Phthalates are also found in cosmetics, food and many beauty products. 

Why does it matter?

According to the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), “A study by the National Toxicology Program (NTP) showed that DEHP [a form of phthalate] administered orally increased the incidence of liver tumors in rats and mice. “ As a result the EPA classified DEHP as a Group B2, probable human carcinogen.

Canada forbids more than .01% of phthalates in child care articles in 1999 The European Union banned amounts of more than .01% of three forms of phthalates in children’s toys in 2005. In 2008, the United States Consumer Product Safety Commission forbid more than .01% of six forms of phthalates in children’s toys or child care articles. 

However, infants and toddlers are not the only higher risk group involved with phthalates.  Aside from use in food, phthalates are also used in many cosmetics, beauty products and many plastic vibrators or dildos. The Danish Health Institute concluded health risks are minimal but may not be among breast feeding or pregnant women.

 Additionally, high phthalate exposure is associated with disruption in the endocrine systems, which is thought to be associated with breast cancer.   The endocrine system is responsible for secreting hormones, including secretion of hormones to the ovaries, mammary glands, liver and testes. In 2005 Dr. Shanna Swan studied the hypothesis that phthalates may act as endocrine system disruption and found a correlation between mothers with the largest levels of phthalates in their urine and the shortest anogenital distance infants. (Anogenital is the distance between boy’s genitals and their anus.)

 

The Lelo Soraya uses medical grade silicone.

Studies regarding phthalates and endocrine disruption are still in early stages. None of this evidence is definitive of a certain outcome, however, I won't sell what I won't use, and as a result, I only feel comfortable selling phthalate-free sex toys. Other stores that do the same are Good Vibrations and Smitten Kitten. 

nJoy products are made of medical grade stainless steel.

If you are unsure of what contains phthalates, purchase toys made from medical grade silicone, glass or steel, which are also very easy to clean!

Date Yourself

In the shop, we hear a lot of "but I have no one to wear it for." Yes, sometimes it is sweet to surprise your suitor with a lovely lacy set, but the best use of lingerie is buying yourself presents. You know what feels even better than that? Dating yourself. Married, partnered or single, I challenge you to plan a date with yourself. It sounds cheesy, but I promise it will be worth it.

I started this for myself when I went through a divorce but have carried it on into remarriage (Yes, I've married the same man twice). Just one night a month. No meeting up with friends, no boyfriend or husband, just you.

Here's how:

1.Buy yourself something to begin the date. There is some truth to retail therapy. Only caveat is has to be something you would not ordinary buy for yourself. No eggs and cheese from Wal-Mart, though a fancy cheese and wine could work. I pick up a bouquet for my nightstand, chocolate truffles and some super cute pajamas. It doesn't even have to be expensive, a lucky rabbit's foot or mood ring will do. It just has to be out of the ordinary and make you feel special.


2. What's do you enjoy or get excited about doing? When I say enjoy, I mean really enjoy, as in get bonafide glee from. For example, sure, I like cake, but I enjoy carrot cake with cream cheese frosting.

Some ideas to get you started:
Long bath.            Chocolate truffles.        A good massage.
Yoga.                      Reading.                         Taking a walk in the park.
Cooking.                Riding a motorcycle.    Sorting change (I really do.)
Puzzles.                 Rock climbing.                Hiking.
Gun range.            Driving range.                Local concert.
Ballet.                     A play.                             Museum.
Orchestra.              An aquarium.                Trying a new restaurant.
Watching True Romance with gelato and macaroons or whatever you think of. 

Pick a date. Write it on your calendar. Then pick two to do one evening or afternoon.

3. Take a bath. Use those over-priced bath salts you save for a special occasion and light the fancy-shmancy organic soy candle. If it helps, put on some Enya or rain sounds. Enjoy. No hair-washing or shaving. Just enjoying. 

4. The rest is up to you. Comfy pajamas and good rest, or if you are feeling frisky, a little self-service.

And I'm always looking for new ideas, so let me know what you do for your date night!

XOXO,
Merry McGinnis Ireland
Owner of The Ruff Life

Caress Genelle, OKC Stylist, Combines Vintage & Modern

 Oklahoma stylist Caress Genelle featured some of our vintage recently in a photo shoot with model and stylist Britta Newton. Such an honor to support these ladies who are redefining peoples' perception of Oklahoma.

Juliette Slip, $18.

Juliette Slip, $18.

Cream, wide-leg jumpsuit, $38.

Cream, wide-leg jumpsuit, $38.

Cream, wide-leg jumpsuit, $38.

Cream, wide-leg jumpsuit, $38. 

 

5 Lessons from 1 Year in Lingerie

5. I don't like to be sold to and neither do most people. 
I never worked in retail. I still have fresh memories of stores with either dismissive staff or overreaching staff. I avoid at all costs answering the phone while someone is in store. I'm not going to make you wait through my "Oh my God, no he didn't" moments catching up with a friend before ringing up your purchase. Basic etiquette.  However, on the flip, when I shop I am willing to say, "Hey, I am looking for a 32E push-up that is cute and comfortable." or "I want pretty hipster panties that don't say pink or bald or that crap across my bush," and inevitably, sales people will bring the opposite or tell me I don't know my size or that the neon princess-themed bra is SO hot right now. Part of my "sales strategy" is assuming people are intelligent and have an idea of what they want. And if they don't, I may measure or pull several style options, and tell them to buy what feels right (with the caveat that getting out of your comfort zone can add a little excitement).

Model: Kendal. Photo: Rob Bennett.

4. A lot of people are mad at retailers who don't care about women's sizes or wants.
 My most popular sizes are 32DD, 34DD, and 36DD. I keep hearing women tell me they aren't finding these sizes. What kind of company doesn't pay attention to what their customers want? One with an ego that thinks it can decide what you should want or how you should look.

Okay, I don't do a lot of nude t-shirt bras, but that's because I am going to point you to the several local stores or websites that do. My niche was beautiful, comfortable, reasonably priced bras in a range of sizes. I knew where to get basics but struggled to find pretty things that spanned a range of sizes (and weren't $100+ bras), so that's what I try to create. When I place orders, I look over my notes of what people ask for and what styles and sizes sell the best. If I don't have it, I order it or tell you where to find it. It's not rocket science; it's caring about the people who are interested in your business.

3. Men buying lingerie care more than you may think. 
I adore the men who come into our shop. Some of them are nervous, but more so, they gush about how much they love their wife. We have a few more risque items, but men rarely buy them. The men look at the straps and the number of hooks on the back. They ask about support. Many have done research before coming in. It really is adorable. And the most common quote from men is, "I just want her to feel as beautiful as I see her."

Kendal and Alexa: Whether a F or an A, they rock it. Photo: Rob Bennett.

2. No one comes without baggage.
 I don't know of one woman who doesn't struggle with body confidence. Even the most confident will say I just wish I didn't hate my butt/boobs/stomach/thighs. I've heard this from a 110 lb with perfect fake breasts and killer arms and every other woman. You may think you will finally be happy when you lose the last 15 lbs, but two months down the road, you will probably look at pictures and think, damn, if only I knew how hot I was then.

I feel it. Pretty much everyone feels it. Unfortunately, I feel "love yourself" and "love your body" somewhat patronizing. All I can think is yeah, that'd be great, but that's a what without a how... My best answer is:

1. Self-respect trumps self-esteem. 
Self-esteem would be wonderful, but it's elusive and has little shelf-life. I have self-esteem some days, but inevitably, pre-period bloating or dress shopping in Italian sizes puts it on shaky ground. The best key to body confidence I've found is self-respect. I like to look back on the last few years and remember all I've accomplished. When I see my stretch marks, it's harder to condemn, upon reflection that I built a fucking person. Excuse my language, but if I ever feel like slamming my post-baby body, just that perspective of "I make people, what the hell have you done" helps. It's respecting all I have accomplished. If I feel like losing 10 lbs, that's fine, but my body shame has dissipated since I started appreciating how much I have and can accomplish. I am intelligent, witty and caring, and it's because I've done things to make myself believe it, that I respect myself.

If you don't make your entire self worth hang on having a 24" waist, you can't lose your self when you lose your skinny jeans.


Thank you for an incredible first year,

Merry McGinnis Ireland
Owner of The Ruff Life Lingerie & Vintage

Matters of Style - Social Psychology & the Selfie

Friendships and relationships are often drawn from your surrounding circle. We assume the friend of a friend to have certain common qualities or interests. Same applies to a regular at a favorite bar or volunteer center. Those within the outpouring of common links will be the basis of what we consider our community.  As our circle becomes increasingly technology based through social media, the dynamic of new friendships and relationship is altered. Whether in Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, the addition of new community to our circle is now based on small clips of how we present ourselves. The basis in human response to visual stimuli, however, still operates on the same principles as our self, an homage the past experiences, current situations, and hopes for the future. 

Obligatory Work-Out Clothes Selfie. Makes up for way too many photos in bars, also, if I cast myself as a fit person, aren't I more likely to live up to that?

In the 1930s, Koffka, Kohler and Wertheimer, collectively known as the Gestalt psychologists, sought to understand links between visual stimuli and perception. One theory from their experiments was the rather obvious sounding idea that similar stimuli are grouped together. This theory was later expanded upon by Richard Gregory by suggesting that the brain combines visual stimuli with prior knowledge to develop a perceptual hypothesis. Example: If you have always had good experiences with women wearing Louboutin heels and notice a woman wearing Louboutin heels, you will create a perceptual hypothesis based on prior experiences that you will have a good experience with this woman. 

Super artsy, vintage dress apparently screams please talk to me about your collection of aura-enhancing crystals and how science is a conspiracy, but I was going for free-spirited and creative.

As the influence of social media on the creation of our community grows, the manner in which we communicate is altered. Instead of extensive face-to-face conversation, more emphasis must be placed on indirect communication through visual stimuli. Assign meaning, making inferences and communicating through dress and appearance. 

Example: That tool in the center is my husband. If I met him in this setting, I would think he is a skeesy prick. Luckily, I met him in person a long time ago, and now he can get away with dressing a mix of rock star and 70s pimp sans the dirtbag reputation...Well, at least with me.

Depending on your history, experiences and values, the response to a Facebook avatars will vary. Without prior communication or knowledge of the individual, I am far more likely to add a young woman with tattoos on Facebook than to add a picture of a man golfing in a Lacoste t-shirt. The assumption is based on my perception of myself, seeking those who have visual cues I relate to, and my prior history, having a handful of awkward silences at country clubs.  

The point being fashion is not always an exercise in vanity. In our store, I enjoy reading about the history of fashion and the ways in which the styles reflect the current events and social values of the era. The curve-enhancing wiggle dress accentuate breasts and hip, a marker of the post-war return to family values. The 1980s shoulder pads mimic a masculine figure as women seek to find balance between their gender and positions of authority in work. 

When it comes down to it, my real style is my history, my mood, who I relate to and who I hope to be. I'm convinced blazers make believe I'm smart, and it's a little homage to becoming a lawyer. Deconstructed Motorhead shirt from 9th grade, when I made most of my clothes and thought I could start an Anarchist commune. Cut off Seven jeans, because I wasted to much cash on those and have done lunges like a boss for years. My beat down Miu Miu motorcycle boots, because I love  high fashion attempts to mimic subcultures, especially those opposed to traditional designer trends.

Furthermore, style is more than social factors alone. While we may model our look on those we admire or whose social groups we wish to feel connected to, we still balance this with the pursuit of our own individuality. A unique style is a balance of conflicting factors, our present self with that which we hope to be or portray, our self-expression with desire to find belonging. 

Some Badass Photos of Our Vintage Clothing

 Photographer Josh Welch took some amazing shots of Tabb Model Cynda McElvana. Outfits from our store (and available online in a few weeks). Sunglasses from Black Optical. Hair and makeup by Sharon Howe Tabb. More proof, if you needed it, that Oklahoma City is full of talented people doing cool shit.