5 Lessons from 1 Year in Lingerie

5. I don't like to be sold to and neither do most people. 
I never worked in retail. I still have fresh memories of stores with either dismissive staff or overreaching staff. I avoid at all costs answering the phone while someone is in store. I'm not going to make you wait through my "Oh my God, no he didn't" moments catching up with a friend before ringing up your purchase. Basic etiquette.  However, on the flip, when I shop I am willing to say, "Hey, I am looking for a 32E push-up that is cute and comfortable." or "I want pretty hipster panties that don't say pink or bald or that crap across my bush," and inevitably, sales people will bring the opposite or tell me I don't know my size or that the neon princess-themed bra is SO hot right now. Part of my "sales strategy" is assuming people are intelligent and have an idea of what they want. And if they don't, I may measure or pull several style options, and tell them to buy what feels right (with the caveat that getting out of your comfort zone can add a little excitement).

Model: Kendal. Photo: Rob Bennett.

4. A lot of people are mad at retailers who don't care about women's sizes or wants.
 My most popular sizes are 32DD, 34DD, and 36DD. I keep hearing women tell me they aren't finding these sizes. What kind of company doesn't pay attention to what their customers want? One with an ego that thinks it can decide what you should want or how you should look.

Okay, I don't do a lot of nude t-shirt bras, but that's because I am going to point you to the several local stores or websites that do. My niche was beautiful, comfortable, reasonably priced bras in a range of sizes. I knew where to get basics but struggled to find pretty things that spanned a range of sizes (and weren't $100+ bras), so that's what I try to create. When I place orders, I look over my notes of what people ask for and what styles and sizes sell the best. If I don't have it, I order it or tell you where to find it. It's not rocket science; it's caring about the people who are interested in your business.

3. Men buying lingerie care more than you may think. 
I adore the men who come into our shop. Some of them are nervous, but more so, they gush about how much they love their wife. We have a few more risque items, but men rarely buy them. The men look at the straps and the number of hooks on the back. They ask about support. Many have done research before coming in. It really is adorable. And the most common quote from men is, "I just want her to feel as beautiful as I see her."

Kendal and Alexa: Whether a F or an A, they rock it. Photo: Rob Bennett.

2. No one comes without baggage.
 I don't know of one woman who doesn't struggle with body confidence. Even the most confident will say I just wish I didn't hate my butt/boobs/stomach/thighs. I've heard this from a 110 lb with perfect fake breasts and killer arms and every other woman. You may think you will finally be happy when you lose the last 15 lbs, but two months down the road, you will probably look at pictures and think, damn, if only I knew how hot I was then.

I feel it. Pretty much everyone feels it. Unfortunately, I feel "love yourself" and "love your body" somewhat patronizing. All I can think is yeah, that'd be great, but that's a what without a how... My best answer is:

1. Self-respect trumps self-esteem. 
Self-esteem would be wonderful, but it's elusive and has little shelf-life. I have self-esteem some days, but inevitably, pre-period bloating or dress shopping in Italian sizes puts it on shaky ground. The best key to body confidence I've found is self-respect. I like to look back on the last few years and remember all I've accomplished. When I see my stretch marks, it's harder to condemn, upon reflection that I built a fucking person. Excuse my language, but if I ever feel like slamming my post-baby body, just that perspective of "I make people, what the hell have you done" helps. It's respecting all I have accomplished. If I feel like losing 10 lbs, that's fine, but my body shame has dissipated since I started appreciating how much I have and can accomplish. I am intelligent, witty and caring, and it's because I've done things to make myself believe it, that I respect myself.

If you don't make your entire self worth hang on having a 24" waist, you can't lose your self when you lose your skinny jeans.


Thank you for an incredible first year,

Merry McGinnis Ireland
Owner of The Ruff Life Lingerie & Vintage