Emphasize those ASS-ets: Top 10 Lingerie and Sexy Accessories for Every Body

Being intimate is best when we are confident, and ideally, we accept our bodies and are confident naked. That's ideal, but...there are days when cellulite shows up more or pre-period bloating occurs.
Here are some simple ways to use lingerie to play up your best and forget about anything else.

Play up what you love, and play down your concerns. 

Rhinestone corset, $52.

1. Corsets.
Highlights an hourglass figure. Adds curves. Flattens the stomach, while playing up chest, shoulders.

Gossard lace garter belt,$32.

2. Garter belts.
Draws attention to the length of legs by cutting the body horizontally. Hits at curves and accentuates them.

Seamed stockings in nude and black, $12.

3. Seamed stockings.
When paired with a garter belt and heels, legs will appear to last for days!

Blush retro-styled chemise, $88.

Blush chemise, $68.

4. Negligee.
Can hide the stomach or thighs, while playing up the chest.

La Fee Verte Galaxy Robe, $220.

5. Sexy robes.
Great for hiding the stomach, thighs or arms, while displaying cleavage and curves.

Ruffled panties, $14.

6. Ruffled bras and panties.
Great for adding curves if you are self-conscious of a small chest, hips or booty. 

Lucy B retro brief with garter straps, $48.

7. Retro briefs.
Hides the lower abs, while giving the perfect pin-up look. 

Gil Elgren pin-up. We've got a couple aprons left in store for $8.

8. Aprons.
Not technically lingerie, but I love recommending them. A pastel vintage apron coupled with bra and panty set is PERFECT for sweet pin-up boudoir sets, cooking an anniversary meal, or serving whipped cream off your chest.  Oh, and hides the stomach.

9. Heels.
3" or up. It's a rule amongst burlesque dancers, strippers, models, etc. Once heels are 3" or more, the legs look long, your butt lifts perfectly and there is a sashay to your walk.

10. A smile. Or a mischievous grin and a wink can work just as well. 

If you still feel uncomfortable, light some candles and have a glass of champagne!

Court says hooking ex-offenders up to machines and asking them to masturbate is invasive? Wow, that's like saying guys in Affliction shirts don't get laid as much as they claim!

 As a condition of probation, prisoners can agree to many stipulations, usually giving up certain rights for periods of time, such as travel, or going to meetings, doctors, etc. On October 3rd, the Second Circuit Court of Appeals handed down a decision forbidding "penile plethysmograph examination" requirements as a term of early release. The appellant in this case is David McLaurin, a convicted sex offender. Penile plethysmographs are increasingly used, not as evidence in trials, but to assess the likelihood of recidivism amongst sex offenders.

Penile Plethysmograph Examination station

Plethysmograph is a fancy sounding medical device that measures genital response to a pornographic stimulus. For men, a small noose (technicians refer to this as a "gauge") is placed around the penis. A cord connects this noose to a machine with registers increased "tumescence" to various images or videos. For women, a nub is placed two inches inside the vagina with cords attached to register increases in the vaginal tissue.  In order to accurately calibrate the machine and gauges, subjects may be required to masturbation before the examination begins.

At this point, you may being wondering "What the fuck? Who thinks of something like that?" or maybe, "Didn't I see that in Clockwork Orange?"

The penile plethysmograph was created in the 50s in Czechoslovakia to weed out homosexuals from the military. Since then, it has continued to be used by governments to seek out homosexuals and pedophiles.

The accuracy is, well, iffy. Genital response does not always indicate sexual desire. Many forms of emotions, including fear, anger and stress, can lead to genital changes. A 1996 study at the University of Georgia used penile plethysmography to study responses to homosexual pornography between two groups, homophobic men and non-homophobic men. Both groups responded with increased tumescence to heterosexual and lesbian pornography, but only the homophobic group responded to male homosexual porn. To be fair, the homophobic man's hatred may stem from his own struggles with sexuality, but this also suggests that many emotions are at play in human sexual response.

 Additionally, even if genital response indicates sexual desire, sexual desire does not mean sexual action. Example: A man may receive an erection when looking at Angelina Jolie, but that does not give much information about whether he will have sex with her.

I have only read about this being used on male sex offenders, but the "Guidelines for the Use of the Penile Plethysmograph" also include instructions for use on females, which requires penetration. Using such measures on women as a term of release could easily be compared to rape and would spark outrage. Why is coerced masturbation not as objectionable and rapey when used on men?

Using these exams as a condition of release seems to be just another way to shame sex offenders. With so many forces involved with an individual's ability to exhibit sexual desire and response and so little conclusive research regarding the accuracy of such exams, what is the redeeming value? The justice system, itself, becomes a sex offender when it requires an offender to masturbate on a leash as a condition of probation.

5 Steps to Getting Your Groove Back Post-Baby!

There's been some recent controversy about the Maria Kang "What's Your Excuse" campaign. If you aren't familiar, Kang is a 32 year old mother of three posed for the following photo, and the internet exploded. Some are calling her a hero, others say she is "fat-shaming."

Kudos, Kang, you have a ridiculous bod post-baby!

As a mother, I am familiar with the identity struggle that exists between mommy and "whoa, momma." The following steps are not about getting Kang's abs but just tips on transitioning out of the dreaded Fourth Trimester.

10. Do things for yourself. 
I waited TOO long to do things for myself. I wouldn't buy clothes for probably six months, because I was convinced I was going to lose 30 pounds. I actually did end up losing 30 pounds, which put me at 15 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight!! The weight didn't start coming off until I started taking care of myself.

4 years ago at 8 months pregnant.

9. Schedule a date night and get dolled up. 
You probably don't remember the feeling of sleeping six or more consecutive hours... or what all the stains on your shirt are from, but more than likely deep-seated resentment toward your partner is rising.

My son is almost four, and I am still convinced, in order to avoid staying up all night, my husband begins faking sick every time my son coughs.

My two main men.

On date nights, I force myself out of yoga pants and into lipstick and a tight dress. Sipping on wine and discussing events outside of daily grudge is a great reminder that you are more than a mom.

8. It was sex that created that little godsend, so why should you act like you've never and will never have it?
Kids put things in perspective. If you're out of Children's Tylenol and have a son screaming in pain, you probably aren't making sure you've got your face on first.

 That said, is it already time for mom jeans and compression bras? Wear a pretty bra occasionally. Don't wear your pajamas out..unless they are a silk slip with combat boots and a cardigan. 
 

Post-baby and preforming burlesque.

2. On a similar note, even if you are too tired for sex, masturbate. 
 Seriously. Proven benefits for migraines, tension, stress, back pain, cramps, and, oddly enough, hiccups. Also, some studies suggest regular masturbation (or sexual activity) can help maintain or increase the desire for sex.

1. Be proud of those stretch marks. When you are exhausted, look at them and think "I grew a fucking person. I'm such a badass."
Oh, and if you ever wonder if you are a good mom, go to Wal-Mart late at night.

This little man deserves a happy mom.

The Unsung Hero of Sexual Liberation, Beate Uhse

Beate Uhse in one of Germany's Beate Uhse shops.

Before Playboy released its debut or Kinsey published Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, a woman was also at work in the origins of modern sexuality, Beate Uhse.

Beate Uhse had been a German Luftwaffe pilot, but after World War II, former Luftwaffe pilots were forbidden from flying. Uhse was a widow with a children and in desperate need of money. She began selling door-to-door products to German housewives. Uhse found herself more intrigued listening to these women than selling to them. She unofficially began a kind of counselor for marital problems, many of which arose from lack of education in or access to contraceptives.

Uhse had been raised in a progressive family. Her mother was one of the first female doctors in Germany and spoke openly and in great detail with Beate about reproduction and sexual intercourse.

Uhse and an employee preparing mass mailing catalogs. From Beate Uhse Archive.

With this background, Uhse began writing pamphlets called "marriage guides" and mass-distributing them through the mail in 1947. The original marriage guides explained the rhythm method, but as greater numbers wrote to Uhse with sexual questions, her topics and offerings increased.

Aphrodisiac oils and stimulating creams. Beate Uhse Archive. 

By 1951, the Beate Uhse Mail Order Company was established. Uhse sold condoms and booklets on sexual health and reproductions through her small mail order catalogs. Her and four employees used phonebooks to mail millions of catalogs across the nation. The response was overwhelming.

Uhse's catalog also included lingerie to stimulate marital relations. Beate Uhse Archive.

 During the Nazi regime, strict moral codes resulted in little to no dialogue about sex education and reproduction. Uhse received many questions from her customers, including "Can you get pregnant from kissing?" and "Do children come out of your bellybutton?" Baffled at the widespread ignorance, Uhse hired a doctor to answer and response to customer questions in a section of the Uhse catalog.

Uhse included photos of herself in her catalogs with the caption "Happy Wife and Mother". Beate Uhse Archive.

Uhse straight-forward manner gave an air of legitimacy that later competitors struggled to achieve. Uhse could relate to the housewife. She never hid her name or the pride she took in being a wife and mother. Sexual education and the accessories she sold were not prurient but aides to a healthy and happy marriage.

Annual mail order sales reached 7.3 million deutsche marks, and in 1962, Uhse created physical store to sell her catalog items, which became the first sex shop. Despite her wholesome approach, by 1992, Beate Uhse's companies had been indicted over 2,000 times.

Lingerie & Empowerment

Whether you are undressing in front of a new partner or celebrating a twentieth anniversary, beautiful lingerie can improve confidence and creating beautiful gift-wrapping for a lover's real present. However, the most frustrating thing I hear from women looking through the lingerie in our store is "Oh, I love this. I just wish I had someone to wear it for."

For a moment, consider the implications of this statement. When single, I've found many women treat themselves differently than attached. Sexuality and self-worth are not contingent upon Facebook status, but instead, should persist at all times. 

Why is lingerie so often thought to be for partnered women or women on the prowl? Perhaps that's why it is often despised by feminists. In the early 20th century, bras were a source of freedom for women. Corsets had been the prior standard. In the time of first wave feminism, bras were a welcome alternative, allowing for greater physical movement, including the ability to participate in sports.

Image credit: bobster1985

Second wave feminism brought unique challenges to lingerie, as its focus centered in more in de facto equality than de jure. Advocating social equality in the home and workplace meant treating biologically different genders the same, which required feminists to understand or at least theorize on the differences between men and women.

While attempting to minimize the differences between men and women, I believe much was gained, but something was also lost, the ability to have pride in our genders and sexualities. To varying degrees, we have breasts and vaginas, and all the 'power suits' in the world can't change this.

A matching bra and panty set that fits well and makes you feel beautiful offers far more than the potential for others sexual arousal. Lingerie can also be a gift for yourself, a secret offering to the goddess you are. Being proud of your sensual self and feminine form.  I find it is invigorating to dress for a career, earn the salary the I deserve while finding intimate ways to maintain a connection to my sexuality.

In sum, I advocate loving your tits and your vulva, and if wrapping them up in lace helps, do it.

TSA & Your Toys

Whether you're about to leave for a romantic weekend or traveling for business, many of us have accessories that assist in intimacy or destressing at the end of a long night. Here's an easy guide to what can come in the carry-on (in case of layovers?), what should be checked, and what to leave at home.

Lube or Other Liquids: It's got to follow the TSA's 3-1-1 guidelines, which means 3.4 oz max container in 1 quart plastic bag and 1 bag per person. Note this means the container, not just the amount of liquid in it, needs to be 3.4 oz or less.

Take the batteries out.

If it's sex-related, BAG IT. Whether checked or carry-on, don't risk a stranger's greasy fingers on items destined for your precious orifices. 

 Packing through Security. From the TSA website: "Travelers should be aware that prosthetics worn under the clothing that alarm a walk through metal detector or appear as an anomaly during Advanced Imaging Technology (AIT) screening may result in additional screening, to include a thorough pat-down." This means if you choose to wear your small rubber strap-on and fabric harness (both able to be in carry-on) through the security line, be prepared to have TSA staff need to see it and/or inspect it in person. Better to put in a carry-on and change into your gear later.

Size may matter. I do want to believe TSA has seen it all and will display a level of professionalism, but who knows. If you drop $200 on a great Lelo vibrator, you certainly don't want to miss your flight getting it shipped, so just in case, 7" and under is recommended for vibrators and dildos. Dildos should be small and made of rubber or silicone. Cloth restraints and nylon or cloth harnesses are also fine.

There is some debate about the origins of the 7" rule. TSA forbids many tools above 7" but was not referring to toys. However, TSA has stated that toys large enough to be 'club-like' are forbidden. Many have erred on the side of safety and surmised that above 7" is more likely to appear 'club-like.'

Piercings. If your nips are massively gauged or your dick could be mistaken for a metal rod, prepare to be inspected at security or take the piercings out in advance. That being said, I've left my small but hidden piercings in for 13 years without problems. It's your call.

A Note on Latex. Remember to add talc powder and store it in a plastic bag. Also, it needs to be stored outside of direct sunlight in a cool, dry place. Depending on your travel this could mean in checked luggage or stowed away at the bottom of your backpack.

Iffy Items. If you argue with TSA, you probably won't win, so try to avoid bringing anything but the 'must haves' in your carry-on. 
Supposedly, handcuffs and leather floggers are fine. 

TSA rules are about making travelers feel safe, and hopefully, be safe, too, so appearances can be a dividing line. Your spring-loaded mouth gag looks more dangerous than your plastic heart-shaped cuffs.

Check it or leave it at home. 
E-stimulation Devices.
Razors and Wartenberg wheels.
Vibes or dildos above 7".
Metal dildos. 
Harnesses or BDSM gear with metal. 
Nipple clamps.

Traveling while Trans
If your driver's license or identification says male and you do not appear to be that gender (or vice versa), be prepared to be questioned or need to explain. Even if your gender appears the same as on your license, the Patriot Act allows airport staff to see a database of all identifications, so be aware that you may still need to explain. If in transition, travel with a letter from your therapist.  Please be calm about it. This is a post-9/11 world, and it's part of their job. However, if staff harasses you, calmly ask them to stop, get their name and information, and write later to request action be taken and more employees given GLBT-sensitivity training. If in transition, travel with a letter from your therapist. 

Use Common Sense.  Educate yourself on the news and culture of your destination. It is not the right time to bring your collection of the Sauna Boys series to Russia. The Middle East reacts differently from San Francisco during Leather Week.

Don't cause a ruckus at the airport. Calmly voice your objections. You don't do anyone any good by proving what a scene the woman with the dildo stash can make.

If you are harassed or believe TSA staff has acted inappropriately, e-mail TSA-ContactCenter@dhs.gov. Or call, write, Facebook, tweet, blog, contact the news stations. Just be sure to BITCH about it.

DON'T LET ANYONE SHAME OR EMBARRASS YOU ABOUT YOUR SEXUALITY.